Current mood:	tired
Current music:	'Sayonara' - Gackt

WIP: [FFVII] 'Gravity' 1/? (Cloud/Seph, eventually NC-17)
I'm going to call this my first attempt at video game fanfic, even though that's not strictly true. Years before I started this one, I wrote a few chapters of a novelization of FFVI, before I knew how annoying that practice was. ;P So this was my first *real* attempt at video game fanfic (and it was getting into video game yaoi that helped lead me into anime fandom, BTW). I believe this was started sometime in 2001, possibly very early 2002. Still unfinished. I lost my inspiration for it somewhere along the way. But thankfully I've been having ideas for this fic lately, so maybe it'll see a revival.

Note: Yes, this *is* the fic I mentioned on SephiLovesCloud in which I intend to have Sephiroth as the (sexual, but only sexual) uke. ;P What can I say...even when I was getting started, I was daring. No sex in what's up so far, though, so if you read what I've got now, Cloud is still safely uke. ^_~

There are four parts of this fic so far. I'll post 'em over the next few days.

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII
Date Finished:
Classification: Story, Romance, Angst
Pairing: Cloud/Sephiroth
Rating: NC-17 (language, sex)

Gravity
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

Disclaimer: The characters and stories of Final Fantasy VII are not mine.

All lyrics in the early parts belong to Enigma (which means that a lot of them actually belong to Carl Orff, or various other composers *g*).

Distribution: If you want this story for any page other than the ones I’ve sent it to, please ask me first, so I know where it goes.

Spoilers: This contains spoilers for pretty much the entire game of Final Fantasy VII, so if you haven’t played it, you might not get it.

Summary:

Part One: Shadows in Silence

*****
Basic instincts, social life
Paradoxes side by side
Don't submit to stupid rules
Be yourself and not a fool
*****

"Hey Strife! Hurry it up!"

Cloud glanced back to the doorway, where one of his peers stood beckoning to him impatiently.

"Come on, man, the truck’s leaving soon!"

"Coming," Cloud answered, letting an impatient breath escape his lips as he turned back to his packing, zipping up his two bags before slinging one over his shoulder and taking up the other in a loose one-handed grip. His strength had improved since he’d come to Midgar; it felt good to have some genuine muscle on his thin frame, for the first time in his life.

In the hallway, he stayed to one side as he always did, escaping notice, or so he hoped. Other boys swarmed around him, laughing and shouting to one another. The excitement was palpable in the air around him. If he stopped, breathed in, he could catch something of the other boys’ joy and hold it within himself.

He couldn’t afford to feel joy while his stomach was fighting to win the award for best imitation of the inside of a Mako reactor. He ignored it, smiled shyly and nodded to the few others who waved or spoke to him. Nervousness was his long-time, almost constant companion, and it wouldn’t do him any good to pay it any heed.

"Strife!" another boy yelled, and Cloud cringed at the sound of his voice. He didn’t mind being noticed by some boys, but others…but this time he was lucky. The boy simply pointed down one of the hallways. "This way."

Cloud nodded his thanks and turned, still keeping to the side of the hallway, head lifted just enough to see where he was going. The truck was just ahead, and if he could just get there without…

"Hey, Strife!"

A hand slammed into his back with full force, pushing him against the wall.

"Stay out of the way," were the words that accompanied the action, and another voice laughed.

Cloud stayed turned towards the wall for a moment before he dared to look up. The two boys were far ahead, still laughing, and Cloud sighed quietly as he shifted away from the wall.

"Hey, Strife," another voice said, and he tensed. One of his fellow troopers, an older boy by the name of David, fell into step beside him as he began to walk again, more slowly this time. "Why do you let them push you around like that?"

Cloud was silent for a long moment, chewing lightly on his bottom lip as he tried to come up with an answer. ‘It’s easier to give in’ seemed too heroic. ‘What else would I do?’ seemed too pitiful, and ‘I really don’t know’ just pathetic, so he settled for the easiest and most ambiguous answer: a slight shrug of the shoulders.

David, whose conversation was rarely better than noncommittal, merely returned the shrug and gestured ahead.

"Ten minutes ‘til the truck leaves," he said simply before moving on ahead, before Cloud had time to nod in response.

Cloud shook his head slightly at his own foolishness. David didn’t care any more than the others whether Cloud responded to him or not; he probably spoke to Cloud to fill in some spare time, to stave off sheer boredom.

When he had left Nibelheim to come to Midgar, to begin training in the hopes of eventually becoming a SOLDIER, his hope had given him pride, made him optimistic, something he had never been before. He had been sure that it would all change…the teasing, the ridicule, the way he could never seem to be quite as invisible as he wished…he’d been sure that there would be none of that at Shinra Academy. Soldiers were supposed to be comrades, to tease each other in friendliness rather than malice. He thought he would blend in, become one of a crowd…be accepted, for once.

Instead, he had found that the boys at the Academy were, if anything, more cruel than the bullies of Nibelheim, and they were certainly more physical. Even now he felt a twinge of pain ripple through his right shoulder, where someone had bruised him in punishment for what he’d felt to be an innocent remark, a few days before.

His nervousness grew to a sense of dread as he came closer to the truck and realized who he would be traveling with. He didn’t even know the names of some of them, but they were the cruelest of the cruel, and they would revel in his presence…Cloud Strife, the easy target.

His grip tightened on his bag as he stepped forward and climbed into the back of the truck, finding a seat as far towards the back as he could manage. A boy sitting across from him glared, but Cloud merely turned his eyes downward, staring at the bag now at his feet.

He didn’t move, didn’t lift his eyes, barely dared to breathe even after the truck kicked into life beneath them and began to move. Then, finally, a snatch of conversation reached his ears and he lifted his chin slightly, trying to hear more clearly.

"I heard Sephiroth returned from Fort Condor yesterday," one of the boys was saying.

"Yeah, I heard there were some nasty monsters showing up around the reactor," another boy responded.

"Never mind that," a third voice said. "You were saying…?"

The first boy laughed slightly.

"I just heard he was back, that’s all. Which means…"

He paused for dramatic effect.

"…that he should be there to greet us."

"I can’t believe it," a fourth boy said, sounding suitably awed. "I mean, fuck, I’ve waited four years for this. To finally see him, to be in his *class*, for fuck’s sake…"

"I’m afraid I’m going to make a total ass of myself," the second voice said, and a few others murmured their agreement. "I mean, god, how do you even try to compare to that…? How does he stand watching a bunch of adolescent fools like us clown around?"

"What else can he do? There’s no one else like him," another boy said reasonably. "No one can come close to his skill. What else can he do but laugh at the adolescent fools?"

Cloud turned his mind from the conversation for a moment, glancing out the window at the dead ground rolling past.

/Sephiroth/, he thought to himself, recalling what the boy had said: ‘There’s no one like him.’ Hearing things like that made him come to the same conclusion he usually did about the great General.

/Sephiroth must be lonely/, his mind whispered, before he closed his eyes to shut himself up. Insolent thoughts like that would be the death of him; he was sure of it.

The sound of renewed voices pulled him from his thoughts.

"I heard he’s only in his twenties," someone else said, and a few voices laughed.

"Who cares? The guy’s immortal," one voice shouted, and the laughter grew louder.

Cloud turned his eyes, and his mind, towards the view outside. The ground moving swiftly away beneath the wheels of the truck was dry, a harsh, dead shade of brown. The miles of dead ground were always increasing, creating an ever-widening circumference of decay around the city of Midgar. Mako pollution made the sky an ugly shade somewhere between black and purple in a great dome over the metropolis, and sunlight had become a rare commodity.

But as the miles passed quickly beneath the wheels, Cloud looked out towards the horizon, a slash of blue sky, and felt something slip inside of him. He realized after a moment it was relief, releasing the tight knot of tension in his stomach. Relief, to be going away from the city, after being trapped within its walls for so long.

Someone across the compartment let out a loud whoop when the first grass appeared, the dead land surrounding Midgar slowly giving way to lush fields of green, like a vast emerald ocean stretching into the lazy sunset. Cloud smiled; he wasn’t the only small-town boy who yearned for the sight of sky and trees, things that didn’t exist within a five mile radius of the capital.

Miles passed like that, Cloud lost in quiet contemplation of the sensation of the bumping truck beneath him, the land rolling past, grass getting taller. A few boys around him spoke, but others just stared out the windows, lost in their own thoughts of some faraway place they called home.

Cloud had nearly drifted into sleep, lulled by the motion of the truck, when the truck finally ground to a halt. Someone let out another whoop.

"Woohoo!" a male voice yelled, accompanied by several enthusiastic whistles and a spattering of applause. "We’re here!"

"SOLDIER, here we come," someone else yelled, and this was followed by a loud wave of laughter and a round of encouraging shouts.

Cloud clutched his bag close, waiting for the crowd to push slowly out of the truck before he dared to move, trying to stay behind the crush. When he finally jumped to the ground and stepped away from the truck, all thought fled from his head as he looked forward towards his new home.

The SOLDIER Academy complex sprawled almost wanly across the landscape before him, pristine and white with black columns and frames, a bright blotch against the violent colors of the evening sky. That sky was the first thing to capture his attention so well, as he stared up towards the sight of cerulean gradually fading into vehement slashes of purple and orange. The sun sat huge and masterful upon the horizon, burning a hot trail of orange into the blue water at its feet. That was the second thing to clasp firmly onto Cloud’s astounded mind.

Ocean. Stretched out as far as the eye could see, beginning almost directly behind the Academy complex, was the wide expanse of the northern ocean, sparkling blue in the waning sunlight.

When Cloud had first come to Midgar, he had spent most of the journey trying valiantly to ignore the land that passed him by, and for the most part succeeding. He had passed oceans, had even crossed one to get from Costa Del Sol to Junon town, their last major stop before heading through Junon pass towards Midgar. But he had never stopped to stare at it; he’d locked himself in his cabin, almost as though to avoid it. For someone who had spent all his life in a town at the base of the Nibel mountain range, the ocean was a daunting prospect.

Now he stared. He had never realized how beautiful it would be, how breathtakingly serene he would feel gazing freely for the first time towards that huge bright pool of blue.

Then someone bumped him, hard, from behind, and the spell was broken.

"God, Strife, don’t you ever get out of the way?" a voice growled, and Cloud glanced up briefly before looking away.

He’d forgotten himself. For one long, glorious moment, he’d forgotten himself, but now he remembered, and he set his shoulders grimly against the night he knew was coming---being placed into dorms, finding out how bad his nights would become---as he trudged forward, towards his new home.

*****

They filed into the courtyard, following the supervisors who had brought them here, and finally caught their first sight of a few SOLDIERs, some of them casually leaning against columns and door frames, watching the new recruits huddle into a loud, excited mass in the centre of the courtyard. Others were obviously there for a reason, standing calmly around the edges of the courtyard, their Mako bright eyes staring unflinchingly towards the nervous young students. Most of them carried expressions like stone, but as Cloud passed one young man with a wild mass of dark hair, he imagined he was being smiled at, and turned back, only to find the young SOLDIER had turned his attention to someone else. But he was smiling, and nodding, warmly welcoming the recruits as they filed in.

Cloud turned his attention back towards his fellow troopers as they buzzed with nervous excitement, waiting until every last one of them had gathered in the yard.

Then, finally, a SOLDIER with a stride that spoke of extreme senior rank stepped further into the courtyard, a slight smile coming to his lips as he nodded a greeting. One boy gasped as the SOLDIER stepped further into the evening light and the bright gold badge at his neck became visible, showing him to be a high-ranking general.

"Good evening," the SOLDIER said, and instantly the crowd fell to a hush, and a number of them fumbled to get into some sort of formation before the older man laughed and shook his head, holding out a hand. "At ease. That part comes later."

A few of the recruits laughed nervously, causing the general to smirk.

"Welcome to the Shinra SOLDIER Academy," the general continued. "I’m General Kylah Kirtaine, a member of the board of directors. Now, what we’re going to do first is split you into groups, and then the others here are going to show you to your dorms. The groups are entirely random, and normally cannot be changed. Any questions? No? Good. Then if you’ll just step that way when I call your name…"

It proceeded quite smoothly, surprising considering the nervous excitement still tingling through the crowd of anxious young men. But within the next half hour they were split easily into five separate groups, and five SOLDIERs had come forward to lead them off to their dorms. Cloud glanced around at his group, forcing himself not to sigh with relief. None of the real troublemakers were there.

The SOLDIER from earlier, the one who had smiled, stepped towards Cloud’s group with another winning grin. It looked natural on his face where it had looked forced on the general.

"Hey there," the SOLDIER said, waving to them cheerfully before forcefully pushing a dreadlock back behind his ear. Cloud was amazed to see such long dreads on a soldier, and realized it was part of the privilege of being in SOLDIER…there would be no more regulations about how you chose to grow your hair, or how you chose to dress…it wouldn’t matter anymore, because you would be the cream of the crop, and no one could order you around like a child anymore.

The thought made him smile, and he could see that several others around him were smiling too, affected by the mood of the SOLDIER.

"I’m Zack," the SOLDIER continued, as his hand fell to his side. "I teach lessons with certain kinds of weapons…mainly the really big, totally ass-kicking kind," he finished with a grin, gesturing to the huge broadsword sheathed at his back.

A few boys laughed outright, and Zack seemed to regard the ones who didn’t with something between a grin and a pout.

"Eventually," he said with mock gravity, "you’ll come to appreciate my lame sense of humor…but for now, all you have to do is sit tight and ignore me while I show you to your dorms. So hop to it! This way!"

And with that he turned and strode off to the left, back towards the entrance. He glanced back once, the grin still on his face, and lifted an eyebrow as the others scrambled to keep up with his quick stride.

He led them across the courtyard, and took a sharp turn just before the entrance, entering the building. Cloud and the others caught their first glimpse of polished marble as Zack turned a corner into a long, wide hallway, then took another left into a narrower hallway that branched off into a series of smaller rooms, each equipped with ten beds, five on each side of the room.

"All right, take a bed, any bed," Zack said, gesturing grandly towards the sparse quarters. "As you can see, it’s not much, but we dare to call it home. As an addendum…don’t talk to the rats, and they won’t talk back."

A few of the boys tittered as they stared into the rooms, glancing at the placement of the beds, choosing. Cloud hung back, waiting for the others to choose, willing to take whatever was left.

"Just kidding," Zack was saying, grinning as he patted a few of the boys on the shoulder. His friendliness seemed contagious, as a few of the boys started to murmur to each other in companionable understanding. "There aren’t any rats in the dorms…the cooks keep ‘em all for the stews!"

A few voices groaned, and Zack laughed uproariously before he saluted them loosely and turned to go. On his way out, he gave Cloud one of his friendly slaps on the shoulder, startling Cloud visibly, but Zack seemed to ignore the flinch, simply grinning and winking at him before he left.

Cloud rubbed his bruised shoulder with a slight cringe and shook his head, turning to see if there were any beds he might take yet.

*****

Dinner in the mess hall was an entirely new affair. He’d thought the Shinra Academy was big, and crowded, and loud, but it was nothing compared to this. The hall was larger, and there were more boys---and a few girls---crowded into it, and it was harder to find a corner where he could be alone. He eventually ended up on the far end of the room, awfully close to where a number of SOLDIERs had taken their places, including Zack, whose laughter rang out louder than the rest as he told some obviously distasteful joke.

Cloud watched them in silence, watched the way they interacted, as though they didn’t spend their days doing mercenary work for the world, ridding it of monsters and injustices, wherever the problems might lie. As though they weren’t the most elite force in the world, they sat together and joked, patted each other on the back and snorted into their cups as someone told a lewd joke. But it was painfully obvious to Cloud that they were far above him, as he watched the way their eyes glowed, that preternatural Mako-enhanced glow, as they glanced at each other.

Someone sat down next to him, jostled him, but he didn’t even notice, too busy staring at the SOLDIERs, at their eerie eyes, wondering how long it would take him to look the same way.

*****

That night he lay awake in his new bed, counting dots on the ceiling and listening to the light snores of the other boys around him as he considered all that had happened that day, and the changes that were coming. He had wondered, in his first few months at Shinra Academy, if he would make it this far…if he really had what it would take to become a SOLDIER. But now he was here, and he was damned if he wasn’t going to take his best crack at it.

He finally rolled over and tried to sleep, but his heart was still pounding with the excitement of the evening, and his mind still tumbled thoughts of where he was, what he would be doing tomorrow---beginning lessons in advanced weapons and magic---around and around, keeping him thoroughly awake.

Finally, stifling a sigh, he sat up and rubbed the back of his head, then turned to glance out the window next to his bed. His dorm was on the back side of the building, so he had a clear view of the dark mass of the ocean, the moon a tiny sliver hanging over it. Again he was compelled, his breath stopping in his throat as he stared.

Then, almost of their own accord, his legs were moving, and he was walking out of the dorm room on tip toes, keeping as quiet as possible. The rational part of himself tried to stop, knowing that he was being silly, letting an emotional whim overcome him. He wasn’t usually impulsive, but just this once…he had never really seen the ocean…

He crept down the halls and finally found one of the doors that would lead outside. He left it open a crack, sure it would lock behind him if he didn’t, and tiptoed out into the night. The grass felt surprisingly warm against his feet, and he stifled the urge to giggle as he walked on until his toes met sand, which felt even warmer. He allowed himself a moment, simply standing and letting his feet sink in as he lifted his head to the stars, never visible from Midgar. He closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh air, also something that couldn’t be found in the city.

He started to move again, walking forward towards where he knew the water should be---it was darker than he’d realized---and not daring to think about how dangerous it was to be wandering so close to the ocean in the pitch black of night, where he couldn’t see what he might be about to stumble over. He moved slowly, partly as a concession to caution, and partly because he was feeling awed again, and thought he might begin to pant with sheer sensation if he didn’t force himself to stay calm.

Then he felt it, for the first time in his life…the cold touch of sea water against his toes, rushing beneath the soles of his feet.

It wasn’t that Nibelheim was that far from the ocean. If you headed south by about a hundred miles, there it was, as far as the eye could see. But Cloud had nonetheless never been, had never strayed far from his home town at all until he had decided to try to become a SOLDIER. His mother had never cared for the idea of the ocean, no matter how much he had begged, and there had been a time when he had bothered to beg, before he’d realized that it didn’t make much difference. His mother was caught in the past, unwilling to move forward into his future.

He shook his head slightly, banishing all of those thoughts---banishing all thought but the crisp chill of the water against his feet as he moved forward, smiling as the water now brushed along his ankles. He laughed at himself, softly, and turned to go back to the shore, where he blithely stripped off his boxers and shirt, dropping them into a pile where he hoped he’d find them again. He turned back into the water, this time boldly wading into the gentle waves. When it reached his chest, he started to tread water, and then to swim, lightly stroking forward into the water, feeling the chill in his bones lessen as he moved.

He had learned to swim in Midgar. It was standard training, both for muscle tone and because a soldier never knew what kind of situation he would be in; being able to swim could become essential if he found himself embroiled in a battle on water. He remembered the first time he had managed to swim an entire lap in the pool at the Academy, the way he had laughed to himself with sheer delight at the feel of the water stroking along his sides. He was feeling that laughter bubbling up inside him again, but this sensation was slightly different. The water at the pool had been still, lifeless…this water pulsed with life, lapping against him with a gentle slap, making his skin tingle.

He finally did laugh, allowing the sound to burst out of him as he stopped to tread water, not thinking about how far out he might have gone. For the first time in years he felt free.

Then his breath caught and his heart started to pound as a wave of new sensation, familiar sensation, washed over him.

He was being watched.

He knew well what it felt like when someone else’s eyes turned towards him, because he spent so much of his time trying to avoid the possibility.

He swam inwards a little ways, until he could touch his toes to the bottom, and stopped to wrap his arms around himself, shuddering in what he suddenly realized was cold. He hadn’t really felt it before, when he had been absorbed in the sensations of the movements of the water. But now…

He flinched when he heard a slight splashing sound, the unmistakable tread of another body in the water, someone swimming towards him. Then he set his teeth, and although he wasn’t sure why he did it---surely, on any other night, he would have turned tail and fled, hoping not to be noticed---he turned and started to swim towards the sound. It was as though he was daring himself to take the chance, to take the punishment for what he had done…surely sneaking out late at night to go skinny-dipping was a punishable crime at SOLDIER Academy.

Eventually he stopped, listening for the sound again, treading water as he turned about in the waves. He had just swiveled to swim off towards where he thought he had heard it when he felt something bump his shoulder, and shuddered harshly when he realized it was the touch of a human hand.

Before he could turn to face whoever had intruded on his solitude, he was frozen in place by the sound of a quiet voice.

"Sorry," the voice said, slightly breathless. He felt the body behind him shift, treading water, and he didn’t dare turn, focusing on his own motions to keep himself above the surface.

"No, I’m sorry," he answered then, hoping whoever it was couldn’t hear the way his teeth chattered hopelessly. "I wasn’t watching where I was going."

"It’s pitch black out here," the voice answered, and he wasn’t sure whether he heard a trace of amusement or not. "There’s nothing to watch."

There seemed no intelligent answer to that, so Cloud remained silent, biting his lip slightly as he contemplated what could be said now. He felt something brush his back again and shivered, frowning slightly as he realized that this time the touch was that of long hair, waving in the water and sliding against his skin. He dared a glance back just as the person behind him murmured another apology and moved further away from him, and Cloud saw that indeed, the hair that draped itself lightly against him was very long, and glowed pale in the darkness. Seeing that hair, he would have been hard pressed to imagine that his companion was a man, but the voice was undeniably male.

"What are you doing out here?" it asked, finally breaking the silence, confirming Cloud’s thoughts. Definitely a man, probably another recruit out giving the ocean a try.

"I might ask you the same thing," he said, finally gathering his courage to turn about and face the other man. His breath caught again, almost choked, as his eyes met the glowing emerald gaze of the man across from him.

Shit. SOLDIER.

"I apologize, sir," Cloud said, again hoping that his teeth weren’t chattering too terribly as he fought to keep treading water, not to simply let go and drown, right then and there. "I didn’t realize…"

"Didn’t realize…?" the other man responded, and Cloud fought to make out some expression on his face, but he couldn’t see anything in the darkness. Just those eyes, glowing eerily with Mako fire. Then the man blinked, seemed to realize his implication. "Ah."

That was all he said, and Cloud again contemplated stopping treading as he imagined the sour look that must surely have crossed the other man’s face by now.

Then he laughed, unable to stop the sound from bursting out of him. The other man blinked again, seeming mildly startled.

"My first night," Cloud said, tightly reining in his laughter but unable to keep the slightly insane grin from his lips. He was trembling, despite how hard he tried to stop. The sinking feeling in his gut was a painful reminder to him that although he couldn’t make out the other man’s features, the Mako enhancement most likely allowed the other to have a perfect view of him. "My first night, and I’m going to get kicked out."

The man regarded him in silence for a long moment, and Cloud couldn’t tell whether he might be frowning or smiling. His eyes seemed empty of emotion.

"I won’t turn you in," the man said then, quietly, and then he turned away and Cloud heard the sound of arms stroking the water, moving towards where he presumed the shore was. He’d lost track along the way.

He hardly dared to breathe, but after a moment he followed the sounds until he finally reached the shallow water, only to find the other man already standing. He could faintly make out strange motions in the darkness, and he heard the odd sound of water droplets hitting the relatively calm ocean. It took him a second to realize the man must be ringing out his hair.

"Why?" Cloud asked breathlessly, as soon as he was in range.

He thought he saw the man stiffen, then straighten, a tall blotch against the shifting dark of the waves surrounding them.

"Because it’s your first night," the man responded, and again Cloud wondered at what might be going through his mind. His voice was entirely impassive, as emotionless as his eyes had been. This was more how he’d imagined SOLDIERs to be, not like the laughing, cheerful men he’d seen in the mess hall. "And you deserve a few stolen moments."

He started to walk, then, towards the shore, and Cloud followed at a respectful distance.

"In a while, you’ll be too tired to sneak out anyway," the voice continued, and this time Cloud imagined he did hear a slight hint of humor there, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. "Now, I suggest you get back to your dorm. Good night, soldier."

Cloud stood still, not daring to advance any further as the other man reached the shore. He heard the rustling of clothing, and then he caught a glimpse of pale flesh against one of the lights of the compound before the other man was gone.

Cloud was shivering as he pulled himself onto the shore and stumbled around until he found his own clothes.

His first night, and already he was making trouble with some unknown SOLDIER. He wouldn’t be surprised if the man changed his mind and really did turn him in. Surely SOLDIER couldn’t afford to let insolent young recruits go unpunished?

He was still shivering as he slid back beneath his bedcovers, and his dreams that night were filled with the chilling sight of those emerald-green eyes.

*****

END PART ONE

Comments, suggestions, feedback, criticism are always welcomed.